A perfect family...before the disaster.
I was 6 when my parents split, I have two brothers. Patrick, is 5 years older and Marcus, is my twin. My mom say my twin and I down to let us know my father and herself were splitting up. At that time we were to little to know why...
I cried, Marcus laughed (he's a pretty emotionless person) and Patrick was mad at my mom for kicking out my dad. If only we had known.
We began seeing a divorce counselor. I look back know and just see how much damage a divorce can cause to a young confused child.
I found a paper, in sloppy hand writing, from when I was 6 1/2 years old. It said something like, 'I do not want to live anymore. I hate myself.' I can never imagine reading that and knowing one of my 6 year old children wrote this and that I was the cause. To this day, not only do I still mildly hate myself, but I have been to multiple 'mental institutes' for trying to take my own life.
In my younger years, my dad was always in favor of 'THE BOYS' and didn't really do much parenting for me. I really seeked male attention. My 5th grade teacher noticed this and reached out to my father, in which my father was upset and denied it all.
My father, is a man of his own, adopted into a family of money and someday to own his fathers business.
When my parents were together, we went on multiple vacations a year, had cartoon Sundays, poop parties to potty train us, Holiday Inn up north, concerts and so much more. Those were the happiest times of my life.
So, my parents split, my dad got remarried. He had 4 affairs on my mom, 1 in which he proposed to a woman and she declined. Since the re-marriage I thought I loved my dads new wife at this point because I was so young and didn't know what was going on. His wife had a son and a daughter. The daughter a year younger then myself and the son 3 years older. My dad continued to do what he did best, favor the boys. He would take my two brothers and one step to hunt and leave my step sister and myself home with my step mom. What he didn't get all along, was all I wanted was HIS love. No money, no tangible items, no concerts, no vacations, no relationships...other then his.
This was too much for me to ask for. As years went on the relationship only got worse. My dad would send me home to my mother, because he couldn't handle me. I, til this day, and 200% thankful that my mom has taken the roll of a mother and a father for me and always been there.
Come my 8th grade year, my dad and I had a disagreement, which I didnt know was the beginning to a 4 year loss of any male role model. I attempted to ask him if we could do dinner, JUST HE AND I, but no his wife had to come. I declined. So until THE DAY I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, my dad had nothing to do with me....He missed some of the most important times in my life. He missed the parts of my life when I needed him most...
The last day of my 8th grade year, I got my braces removed...may not seem big to others, but I will never forget it. All through high school I attended homecomings and proms, I played several sports...but my dad didnt choose to be a part in any..
My 10th grade year and part of my 11th, was a mistake in the making and boy did I learn from my mistakes.
My next blog I will tell you about those years, but for now I want to tell you how thankful today that I am because my dad was lacking from my life. I have learned a lot of things and have immensely matured. I have been through a lot of things no one at the age of 60 has even experienced. I am thankful for every day I live....I am a survivor and here to help those trying to survive.
